Mercedes Grower, a name synonymous with innovative dark comedy and unflinching explorations of modern relationships, burst onto the feature film scene with Brakes (2017), a self-proclaimed “anti-romcom.” This debut, backed by BFI Film Fund completion funding, showcased Mercedes Grower’s multifaceted talents as a writer, director, and actress. Now, Mercedes Grower is forging ahead, developing her second feature film while collaborating with industry heavyweights like Laura Michalchyshyn from Sundance TV and Wren Arthur of Olive Productions on her sitcom project, Sailor.
Brakes is uniquely structured in two parts, immediately immersing viewers in the chaotic and often humorous ends of nine different relationships before rewinding to the tender beginnings of those same connections. Mercedes Grower herself stars in one segment alongside Noel Fielding, guiding the film on a journey from heartbreak to tentative hope. This narrative arc perhaps mirrors Mercedes Grower’s own perspective on love, encapsulating the inherent “hope, always the risk and always the jump” involved in matters of the heart. Through a comedic lens, the film uses romantic entanglements and dissolutions to contemplate the inherent gap between past and present perceptions, and the often unreliable nature of memory in the face of immediate experience. This gives Brakes a depth that resonates beyond the comedic surface of its ensemble cast’s relatable, albeit painful, experiences.
In a revealing conversation, Mercedes Grower delves into the concept of art as a refuge, the collaborative spirit of filmmaking, and cinema’s unique ability to manipulate time. She also candidly discusses the inherent vulnerability filmmakers face, the dual nature of the editing process as both agonizing and rewarding, and the necessary sacrifices that ultimately define the control – or lack thereof – in filmmaking.
From Performing Arts to Directing: The Genesis of a Creative Career
When asked about her trajectory into acting and her eventual ambition to direct, Mercedes Grower explains that her path has been organically unified from a young age. “Well it has all been part of the same thing,” Mercedes Grower reflects. “As a kid I was always writing my own little sketches and making things up.” Her early artistic inclinations were diverse, ranging from ballet and painting to music. “So it was always the arts — I was born that way,” Mercedes Grower states, emphasizing her innate visual sensibility and comedic outlook as coping mechanisms for life’s challenges, even from childhood. This creative drive served as her “out,” a natural inclination that would shape her future career.
Transitioning into acting, Mercedes Grower continued to nurture her comedic writing, creating sketches for a double act. While actively pursuing acting roles, she simultaneously engaged in writing and filming her own projects, including smaller productions and TV show development discussions. Directing, therefore, wasn’t a sudden shift but a natural progression. The Brakes project itself emerged “quite organically” during a period of waiting for other projects in development. Mercedes Grower simply began creating, and the idea evolved into her debut feature film.
The Organic Development of ‘Brakes’: An Idea Brewed Over Time
Describing Brakes as organically developed, Mercedes Grower elaborates on the initial spark of the idea. It stemmed from ongoing conversations with her network of comedian friends, including notable figures like Noel Fielding, Julia Davis, Steve Oram, and Julian Barratt. “I’d been talking to some of the cast — the comedian bunch I know quite well — about this idea for ages,” Mercedes Grower recounts. She was captivated by the theme of break-ups and envisioned a film solely dedicated to exploring them. Encouraged by Julia Davis, who affirmed the strength of the concept, Mercedes Grower decided to bring her vision to life.
Mercedes Grower emphasizes the multifaceted nature of break-ups: “Break-ups are weird and funny, deranged and hysterical, and we all go through them — men and women, young and old.” She views them as simultaneously universal and deeply personal experiences, capable of being both life-altering and ultimately insignificant. The concept of exploring these experiences in reverse chronological order intrigued Mercedes Grower. “The magic of cinema is that you can, and those beginnings and endings are quite heightened,” she explains, highlighting the dramatic potential in juxtaposing the explosive beginnings and endings of relationships.
Disconnect and the Human Condition: Exploring Themes in ‘Brakes’
Brakes subtly plays on the inherent disconnect between the initial spark of connection and the eventual dissolution of relationships. Mercedes Grower acknowledges this, stating that the film reflects “that disconnect we suffer between our past and present selves.” The reasons for initial attraction can appear distant and even irrelevant in retrospect.
Mercedes Grower elaborates on the intensity of being “in it” during a relationship, how all-consuming it feels in the moment, only to become strangely detached and distant a year or two later. This cyclical nature of relationships, and how often individuals repeat these patterns throughout life, fascinated her.
Comedy as a Conduit for Pain and Shared Experience
Storytelling, particularly through comedy, becomes a means to process and find entertainment in painful experiences. Mercedes Grower connects this to her personal inclination to “retreat into creativity” as a coping mechanism. She sees storytelling as “a means to address a shared painful experience, even if it’s presented in the form of comedy and entertainment.”
Human connection is a central theme for Mercedes Grower. “We are trying to connect the whole time, trying to connect with ourselves and to those people around us who we’ll have shared stories with.” Referencing a Greek philosopher’s view of love as a form of temporary “madness,” Mercedes Grower highlights the duality of relationships – the pain and the potential for positivity. Despite the focus on break-ups, Brakes ultimately offers a hopeful outlook. Mercedes Grower emphasizes the cyclical nature of relationships and the necessity of faith: “…there’s always the hope, always the risk, and always the jump. You’ve got to have faith to try things out again and so it’s a leap of faith.”
The film subtly touches on themes of maturity and arrested development within relationships. Mercedes Grower points to a specific line in Brakes, delivered by Susan (Kate Hardie), which resonated deeply with her: “We are a pair of fucking children… immature, stupid children. But unlike you I was actually stupid enough to have children, and now I want to honour them by behaving like a fucking grown up.” This line, for Mercedes Grower, encapsulates a profound truth: adults often retain childlike qualities, and true maturity is a conscious choice. She muses on whether she feels fundamentally different from her childhood self, recalling a childhood intention to remain connected to her feelings despite growing older. Vulnerability, particularly in romantic relationships, exposes this childlike openness, making break-ups particularly challenging as they involve “letting go of a childhood quality.”
Filmmaking and Vulnerability: Exposing the Self Through Art
Creating and releasing a film is an act of profound personal exposure for Mercedes Grower. She likens it to “putting yourself out there – like a target on you that creates a vulnerability?” She admits to feeling exposed, especially discussing such personal themes publicly. The intensely personal nature of filmmaking, particularly when exploring intimate subjects like relationships, necessitates honesty. “It’s hard to be dishonest about it, otherwise you can’t hit the highs and lows of the situation, which is what it’s really about — the seesaw effect,” Mercedes Grower explains.
Looking back on the filmmaking process, Mercedes Grower describes a day-to-day approach, focusing on immersion in each stage—making, editing, and releasing—without pre-conceived expectations. She aimed to be “in the moment with each part of the process, without expectations.” However, she also acknowledges a “secret side” that hoped the film would materialize in its realized form, suggesting a blend of intuitive direction and openness to discovery.
Discovery in Creation: The Filmmaking Journey
Mercedes Grower acknowledges the paradoxical nature of filmmaking as both a planned endeavor and a journey of discovery. “No and yes,” she answers when asked if Brakes was a journey of discovery or a pre-defined vision. “Making a film is always going to be a discovery.” While she entered the process with core ideas—vignettes of love at beginnings and ends, reverse chronology—the execution was fluid. Editing became a “collaging” process, piecing together the narrative. Despite the lack of a rigidly defined picture, Mercedes Grower suggests a subconscious understanding of the film’s essence throughout the creative process.
Drawing a parallel to Alice Lowe’s description of editing Prevenge, Mercedes Grower initially agrees with the idea of needing to “make the film worse before you can make it better.” However, she reconsiders, describing her own editing experience as more of a “building” process. The painful aspect of editing for Mercedes Grower was the necessary discarding of scenes and ideas. Despite the challenges, she “loved the edit” and was deeply involved throughout. Working with multiple editors—Yesmine Almosawi, Lizzy Dyson, and Andy Hague—proved invaluable. Structuring the vignettes, considering seasonal and temporal elements, and ensuring psychological coherence were intricate aspects of the editing process, layered with subtle metaphors and complexities, many of which might remain unnoticed by the audience.
Audience Ownership and the Completion of the Film
Mercedes Grower aligns with Carol Morley’s perspective that “You take it 90 percent of the way, and it is the audience that finishes it.” She believes that audience members, with their individual experiences and perspectives, actively complete the film’s meaning. This perspective suggests a transfer of ownership from filmmaker to audience upon release.
Mercedes Grower believes Brakes resonates particularly strongly with audiences. “You’re probably right and I definitely think that Brakes is more of an audience film than a critics’ film.” She emphasizes the communal viewing experience, noting how the film’s comedic and dramatic elements elicit shared reactions in a cinema setting. “Everyone giggles and goes: ‘Aww God, that’s so cringey’ at the same point. There’s a camaraderie through watching it with people and so you are right, the film merges with the audience and that’s a good thing… it’s lovely.”
Transformation and the Guerrilla Spirit of Filmmaking
Echoing filmmaker Christoph Behl’s sentiment about personal transformation through filmmaking, Mercedes Grower acknowledges a transformative aspect to the creative process. “Yeah, I think so, but I’m so fearful of sounding pretentious, feeling that way. But I do think so and that could be just because it has been so many years for me.” The extended process of creating Brakes, learning about herself and collaborating with dedicated friends who worked “for free, giving 100 percent,” has been deeply impactful. The act of “actually finishing something is just an amazing feeling and then to let it go out into the world” is a bold and vulnerable act for Mercedes Grower.
She reflects on the seemingly “mad” nature of filmmaking, questioning if the process becomes easier over time. Brakes‘s “guerrilla-type film” production, born from necessity, shaped its creative trajectory. Mercedes Grower contemplates whether future projects with more conventional financing will offer a different, perhaps easier, experience.
The constraints of guerrilla filmmaking, paradoxically, afforded Mercedes Grower creative freedom. She acknowledges that increased financing often entails increased oversight and potential compromises to artistic vision. “That’s true, and it’s only at this end bit of getting the film out into the world that I can see how the real film world works, because it has now gone into a different zone.” Despite the “mad struggle,” Mercedes Grower recognizes the unexpected benefit: “But I think you’re right that I was free to do what I wanted.”
A producer’s comment, “You might as well enjoy this because that’s the last time you are ever going to be this free making a film,” resonates with Mercedes Grower. She acknowledges the trade-offs inherent in different filmmaking approaches: freedom versus resources, artistic control versus financial stability. While future projects might involve less creative autonomy, Mercedes Grower anticipates a less “insane” process, quicker production timelines, and, importantly, the ability to “honour everybody in the right way” through proper compensation.
Brakes has screened in select UK theaters. For further information visit BrakesFilm.com.
